Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Epilogue Part 2
The letters scrolled upwards as I flicked the mouse downwards, finger firmly pressed on the left click button. The words almost raced beyond my own sight, so fast was the moved, as my hand shook slightly at the words.
Well, it doesn't quite say done, but it does mean that. It also means that the future doors will be opened that bit brighter, that the gamble I took paid off, that the hard work of yesterday, weeks and months paid off, that the help I've received paid off.
That I'm done.
I leaned back in the chair, letting the air out of myself. I can almost feel my body deflating as it does so, losing the very elements that kept it upright, that made it stand with nerves on end for a while. I literally felt that, the relief pouring out of me like an endless stream, a stream of gladness that couldn't help but shape the smile on my face. It is a smile that soon broke into a silent, elated scream of happiness.
They say that when you're about to die, you see your life flash before your eyes. I wasn't dead, but it is the end of a chapter, and it is the chapter that runs through my mind at that moment, a catalogue of errors, mistakes, disappointment and bitterness. These I had resented at the time, prompting long self-discussions about the purpose, the reason, the point of my presence there at that point of time. More to the point, it brought about questions of how much I'm willing to take to go after what it is that I truly want. It forced me to look in the mirror, grabbing my collar forcefully, and tore my shirt open, ripped my chest apart, for me to take a good, long look at the heart within.
The heart that beats. The reason why we are all here. Looking, finding, and reaffirming the purpose of its beating.
The heart that beats.
I smiled even wider.
*Read 'Epilogue Part 1'.