The wind hailed outside, smashing my windscreen with its ammo of assorted rain drops. The night promised to follow as the day, the drizzle having been non-stop since late afternoon.
I drove on further, fiddling with the radio tuner as I did so. It has been a long time since I minded being stuck in traffic. Unlike many, I began to enjoy the aspects of a traffic jam in the Klang Valley as that wouldn't have been available otherwise. There is a solitude that comes with the space and time vacuum. Many have decried it, but I find that, in the ever swirling world that is fast becoming my own, such moments of solitude can be godsend.
And then there are moments when the last thing you want is silence.
"Come on, come on," I whispered, running through the preset radio stations. "Play something good...I want to sing..." Somehow, the conspiracy worked: there are no good songs playing. Certainly not one I can sing along to. I eventually left it on Lite, settling instead for the voice of the DJ.
"Coming up next, the original version of the song made popular recently by Sheryl Crow...Rod Stewart with, 'The First Cut Is The Deepest'."
I had not heard this song for a while, and know even less of the lyrics, but given the lack of options, my ears perked nonetheless.
"I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart..."
...how apt, I thought...
"And she's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again."
Sometimes, there are just some songs, movies, things, objects, people, time, that somehow reaches out to you, and pulls at your heart.
"Baby I'll try to love again but I know..."
And usually(though the word usually can never be used with much confidence in this context), they come from the most unexpected of sources.
"The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky she's cursed
When it come to loving me she's the worst..."
I smiled to myself, the rogue amber from the traffic light illuminating my face. I smiled not because of that, but because of the happiness that comes from having belted that song out loud. Moreover, it comes from having belted out that which laid dormant within my soul for a long time.
"I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried..."
Within a second, the light changed to green.
"And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know..."
And outside, the rainy night continued its torrent hailing.