Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Shattered

It fell to the ground, splintering into a million indescribable pieces. They struck my foot painfully, pain shooting from my senses as quickly as the blood that came out of the open wounds.

But I wasn't so concerned about my foot, nor the pooling blood. My eyes were inextricably linked to the shattered pieces.

All one million of them.
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"The stars are beautiful tonight," Nate proclaimed. I merely nodded my agreement, taking a long puff of the death stick stuck between my fingers. When we say beautiful, in Malaysia, it means that you can just about make out the shapes of the stars amongst the fog of the night.

We are outside of the house, me leaning against the curve of the back of my car, while Nate, with another death stick in his hand, is standing. Shirt tucked in, tight shorts, with slippers (my slippers!), he seems a perfect comedic figure in a Hollywood movie. The character created for laughter.

Next, Des sits cross-legged on the floor. He had finished his cigarette, and is leaning back on his arms, gazing upwards upon the night sky. Shirtless, he nevertheless pulled off his look well. "Yeah, it is. Quite clear, ah?"

Once again, I remained silent, the only sounds exhaled from deep within me, the recess of the poison that slowly seeps through the veins.

"Fikri?" It was Nate's voice. I looked over to him, shirt tucked in and all. "You alright?"

"No," is my answer. And with that, yet another long drag. Then a smile. "But it's OK. Everything will be alright."

We both looked away, and exhaled. It had been a long day.

Des took another drag of his own cigarette, and then asked a question about...Taoism, of all things. Nate leaned back and started, clearly in his element now.

"Well, with Taoism, and in fact with a lot of other religions as well, you have to consider that they think that satisfaction and happiness can be found just by being minimalistic with your lifestyle. The idea is that you don't take the stuff that you don't need."

Drag, and exhale. "That's why a lot of them are vegetarian. They believe that they don't need to kill animals in order to live a fulfilling life. It's just the basic stuff. You have the clothes on your back, the food on the table, a roof above your head..."

...a pause, pregnant in its dramatic shortness. He looked over at me, at the right moment when I flicked my gaze over to him, and it pierced right into the very essence of my soul, a deliverance that few help and advice ever achieved.

"...what else do we really need?"

I looked away, onwards and upwards to the fog covered stars.

Good question.
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It may have been shattered.

But it's still my heart.

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