This is not something I usually do. My blog, though it offers an insight into the way that I sometimes think, is not as personal a platform as it might be for others. But when Joanne told me that she tagged me, though my initial feeling is that it's not something I necessarily want to do, I do feel somewhat pleased that she tagged me (though this feeling diminished a bit when I found out that I was only one of ten :>). Regardless, I decided to make an exception, and so these are the five criteria (in no particular order) that I look for in that special someone:
* Loyalty - This is an aspect that I look for not just necessarily in a girlfriend, but in all my friends. They can be whatever it is that they want to be, as quirky, evil, funny, or as scheming as they want...so long as I know that they have got my back. What does this mean? Well, it just means that I want to know that I can rely on them in times of need. With my girlfriend, I expect all this and more, which means that she will not be sleeping or dating others behind my back. Which leads to...
* Honesty - This is another quality that I expect in the people that I meet. By honesty, I don't mean that they have to tell me every single thing about themselves. We all have our own secrets that we wish few others would know. I can live with that. I just want my girlfriend to say what she means and mean what she says. If she doesn't want to go out because she just doesn't feel like it, then that's what I want to hear, rather than a contrived excuse. Will it hurt? Maybe. There are times when people don't tell me the truth in order to protect my feelings. I can understand that. But I don't agree with it, because I feel (from experience) that sooner or later, the lie will be found out, and when it does, not only will it hurt more, but it would also raise doubts in my mind. It will make me think of other things that she will have told me, and wonder whether they are really true. The minute it gets to this stage, then the relationship is on rocky ground, for no relationship can survive without...
*Trust - This is possibly the most important of all criterium. Honesty and loyalty have their roles, but that road leads to trust. If there is no trust, then the relationship dies. Full stop.
* Challenge - It was a while back, sometime last year, as I lounged in my friend's garden, perched high up somewhere in Cheras. She and I went through the reasons of a particular infatuation that I had (and to a certain extent, still do) for a particular someone. I explained that I do not know for certain what it is that makes me feel the way I do for this one person. I listed what I liked about her, but also noted that there were plenty of girls who also fit the criteria. Recalling a particular event when we had something of an argument, my friend proffered this insight: "Dude, you like her because she challenges you." I still don't think that's it, but it does explain a lot of things.
* Intimacy - This is important. I'm not necessarily talking about sex or kissing, but just hugs, holding hands, and gentle caresses, amongst other things. It might be a small thing, but if I'm with someone, then this someone must be comfortable with being intimate in this way with me. Having said that, I myself am quite intimate with a lot of my female friends, which might lead to some jealous glances here and there. But this is where all the rest (trust, honesty, loyalty, etc) comes in.
There you have it. I'm not saying that I'm willing to jump into bed with anyone who has these criteria, however. These are just some of the things that I do consider when I want to be more serious with someone.
Some of you will note that I did not include any physical criteria as others might have. For me, these things aren't important. Age, height, race...for me, they are nothing more than mere markers which we can see with our own eyes, but does provides absolutely no clue as to what someone is truly like.
On the other hand, I could very well jettison all of the above and follow my heart.
For that is where love lies.
And without love, there is no nothing.