Saturday, July 30, 2005

Getting Hitched

"Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away."

Alex Hitchens, Hitch

* I saw this movie when it came out earlier this year, but for some reason never did put the line in here. Recently I saw it again, and am reminded of why I love that movie :>

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Soul Reaver

No matter how hard you try to stop it, it happens.

You see it breaking, tearing around the edges, striving almost as if of its own will to break free of its invisible prison.

You see it outgrowing itself, that “it stopped being cool”, that it no longer mattered because it can stand on its own feet.

When you fight for something that has always been there, no matter how hard it is, you keep on fighting because of it. Because you know that in the end, no matter what happens, it will always be there.

What if it's no longer there?

You reach out with your hand, with your arms, with your whole body and soul. You try to keep it together, to stop it from breaking. But it slips through your fingers regardless, like the sands of time in a glass jar.

As if you’re not even there.

What do you do now?

How on earth do you fight for something that no longer exists?

Friday, July 22, 2005

In The Fast Lane

“A life lived as a perpetual introduction to something you hope will be better in the future, is a life of disappointment.”

Matt Bishop, F1 Racing magazine

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Picture Imperfect

The sun sets slowly behind the clouds, sinking into a slow rest while bathing us with the orange ambience of grandness.

“They’re waiting for us,” said my friend as we both looked and admired the scenery.

“They can wait,” I replied softly. “This won’t.”

The clouds, magnified by the presence of the sun, puffed its underside in majesty, shadowy with its blue. The contrast between this and its brightly coloured top is striking.

“Take a picture of it,” I told my friend. She meekly resisted; something about how her cameraphone isn’t great. I didn’t say anything as she whipped it out anyway, knowing full well that she herself wants to capture the moment for posterity.

She aimed, squinted, clicked.

We crowd the screen.

The picture was rubbish. Its pixellated edges did nothing to accentuate the contrast, and if anything, it looked like a mess of a boiled egg.

The thought crossed my mind that maybe we can never capture the beauty of the scene. As it sinks ever further into the slow darkness, I can’t help but feel that its beauty lies in the fact that it cannot be seen, but felt. That it is not to be touched, or preserved, because it lies not with the sun, or the clouds, or anything else for that matter.

Maybe it lies with the emotions and feelings that are evoked within us.

That beauty is within us.

Either that, or her cameraphone really is crap.

“Let’s go.”

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Galaxy: Across the Stars

EXT – SPACE – The Vole jumped in from hyperspace, gliding a smooth path past a bright swirling star.

INT – BRIDGE – JAYKEN WESTLEY stands at the viewport, his eyes fixed on the Star of Itana. The door hissed, and KYE TORAN walked in.

We’re in position.

No response from JAYKEN. KYE paused, feeling sure that he said it loud enough. He walked over to JAYKEN’s side.

I’ve never seen it this close before.

The Star of Itana.

They say that it’s the biggest star in the universe, because you can see it from anywhere in the galaxy.

KYE remained silent.

Back on Nualna, at my family home, my window was positioned such that the star shone directly into my room every night, without fail. I used to lie in bed for hours, just looking at it, and wondering how something so beautiful could ever exist. I’d fall asleep feeling safe, knowing that it would always be there like a guardian angel, watching over me. And I’d always wonder what it would be like to be closer here. Now that I’m here…I realized that it doesn’t make a difference.

Well, I think it’s more beautiful up close.


JAYKEN turned his head abruptly towards KYE, physically acknowledging him for the first time.

It’s not. You may see it closer, but it doesn’t change anything.

Come on. It’s got to be better here than a million clicks away, Jay.

It isn’t. It doesn’t change anything because the reason why it’s beautiful, why it’s brilliance is beyond the description of words remains the same.

KYE TORAN (sighs)
And why is that?

It doesn’t exist.

KYE TORAN (snorts)
Don’t give me that.

From far away, what makes it beautiful is because it’s unreachable, a high that no being will ever get to. Even when we’re here, that remains true. How real is it, Kye? It is beautiful precisely because it is not real, because it is not a part of this life. Because if it is, then it is subject to everything else in life…sweat, dust, grime, age, dirt, everything. It will no longer be as beautiful.

Do you want something that’s real?

JAYKEN moved his head, slightly facing KYE.

You think too much.

JAYKEN chuckled, and turned to face the star.

I hope this goes well.

Don’t worry.

KYE glanced over to JAYKEN, before looking back ahead.

Dallas knows what he’s doing.

EXT – SPACE – The ship continues its circumference around the star.

Monday, July 11, 2005

The Heat

The heat scorched the tip of my tongue as I cautiously sipped my teh tarik. I settled it on the table, loosening my grip, though I never did let it go. Lowering my head, I craned my neck, my mouth forming an O and silently whistled across the beige surface of the drink.

“You’re a very warm person,” she said.

No I’m not. Looking up to squarely meet her, her eyes, almost glazed by her glasses, told me that there is no need to share that thought with her.

“You’re smart, witty, charming…”

Yeah, yeah.

“…but you’re too emotional. There’s too much anger, too much angst within you.”

I stopped blowing.

“You have to try, no matter how hard it is, to control that. You’ve come a long way. But you still have some way to go. You can’t stop.”

She paused, and reached out with her right hand to place it on my left, squeezing it tight.

“Please don’t let your anger burn you.”

I looked at her hand on top of mine, its back softly withered by age and experience. By sadness, anger, betrayal.

I sipped my teh tarik.

It’s not as hot anymore.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Take One Part II...Or Something Like It

There comes a point in everybody's life when we stop, and we ask of ourself the following question:

What am I doing here?

We stop and we ask because we wonder whether this is where we want to be, whether it's part of The Plan that we had set out earlier in life. Is this what I want to do? Is this who I want to be?

Most importantly, we ask ourself because, in all likelihood, we would have come across something. An obstacle, a barrier.

A brick wall.

Then a sense of doom descends on us, heavy on our shoulders, and no longer are we standing. We are sitting down, heads in our hands, asking ourselves whether we are strong enough to go through this. Whether what we have is enough, whether we are capable.

I know this, because I went through that. I slammed headfirst into that wall, full speed, unsuspecting.

I had sat there, holding my head in my hands, hurt, injured, destroyed, anguished, humiliated.

But then, something happens. Something emerged from the cauldron. Hope. Faith.

The answer.

I didn't see it coming. Even as I wanted it to, just like a train coming from the opposite direction. Had I asked for it? In all honesty, no. But there it is anyway.

I felt the answer coming through to me, making me happy, content, joyful.

Making me feel alive.

I am still stuck in the same situation as before. Nothing has changed. The world hasn't gotten any easier. The problems remain, difficult as ever.

But now I have an answer. The one that makes me smile, that makes me laugh, the one that makes me wake up in the morning feeling that there are angels in the world after all.

Now, as I sit here writing these words, I find myself asking only one thing:

Where the hell have you been all my life?