Friday, July 01, 2005

Take One Part II...Or Something Like It

There comes a point in everybody's life when we stop, and we ask of ourself the following question:

What am I doing here?

We stop and we ask because we wonder whether this is where we want to be, whether it's part of The Plan that we had set out earlier in life. Is this what I want to do? Is this who I want to be?

Most importantly, we ask ourself because, in all likelihood, we would have come across something. An obstacle, a barrier.

A brick wall.

Then a sense of doom descends on us, heavy on our shoulders, and no longer are we standing. We are sitting down, heads in our hands, asking ourselves whether we are strong enough to go through this. Whether what we have is enough, whether we are capable.

I know this, because I went through that. I slammed headfirst into that wall, full speed, unsuspecting.

I had sat there, holding my head in my hands, hurt, injured, destroyed, anguished, humiliated.

But then, something happens. Something emerged from the cauldron. Hope. Faith.

The answer.

I didn't see it coming. Even as I wanted it to, just like a train coming from the opposite direction. Had I asked for it? In all honesty, no. But there it is anyway.

I felt the answer coming through to me, making me happy, content, joyful.

Making me feel alive.

I am still stuck in the same situation as before. Nothing has changed. The world hasn't gotten any easier. The problems remain, difficult as ever.

But now I have an answer. The one that makes me smile, that makes me laugh, the one that makes me wake up in the morning feeling that there are angels in the world after all.

Now, as I sit here writing these words, I find myself asking only one thing:

Where the hell have you been all my life?

7 comments:

Sania said...

Wow! U described my feeling and it's like u read my thoughts.
These are the things that would keep us alive 4 2mrw..
Cheers...

KL said...

Nicely written. Have experienced the same thing; but all I can say is smile, happiness, faith and strength always bring me back.

gurustu said...

A rock may change the river's course, but it does not change the river.

Thanks for a very thoughtful, thought provoking post.

So what's next?

Fikri said...

To Sania: Thanks :>

To KL: Yes it does.

To Gurustu: Nice to see you back. Lovely quote. :>

As for what's next, well, I'm in Bangkok now. And there's been plenty of thought provoking experiences... :>

Fikri said...

I hasten to add two points:

1) The post is not perfect. When I wrote it, I wondered whether to make it as something that I would really say given the time and space to think about it, or whether to stay true to what I actually said when Iqbal recorded me. I decided with the latter. Reading it again, I decided that this extra info would help people to better understand it.

2) Like I said, I'm in Bangkok for a study trip. To follow my progress, we've set up at blog at:

http://insearchofbangkok.blogsome.com

Do drop by and check out my posts (as well as those from my friends). Be kind and leave marks too :>

Take care, and have a nice day!

anna. said...

I know you're not Christian (I hardly am) and this could well be interpreted as a means of corrupting you but really.. Fik..

AMEN.

Fikri said...

Well, you don't have to go that far. Us Muslims say it as well, though our pronounciation is closer towards AMIN :>