There comes a point in everybody's life when we stop, and we ask of ourself the following question:
What am I doing here?
We stop and we ask because we wonder whether this is where we want to be, whether it's part of The Plan that we had set out earlier in life. Is this what I want to do? Is this who I want to be?
Most importantly, we ask ourself because, in all likelihood, we would have come across something. An obstacle, a barrier.
A brick wall.
Then a sense of doom descends on us, heavy on our shoulders, and no longer are we standing. We are sitting down, heads in our hands, asking ourselves whether we are strong enough to go through this. Whether what we have is enough, whether we are capable.
I know this, because I went through that. I slammed headfirst into that wall, full speed, unsuspecting.
I had sat there, holding my head in my hands, hurt, injured, destroyed, anguished, humiliated.
But then, something happens. Something emerged from the cauldron. Hope. Faith.
I didn't see it coming. Even as I wanted it to, just like a train coming from the opposite direction. Had I asked for it? In all honesty, no. But there it is anyway.
I felt the answer coming through to me, making me happy, content, joyful.
Making me feel alive.
I am still stuck in the same situation as before. Nothing has changed. The world hasn't gotten any easier. The problems remain, difficult as ever.
But now I have an answer. The one that makes me smile, that makes me laugh, the one that makes me wake up in the morning feeling that there are angels in the world after all.
Now, as I sit here writing these words, I find myself asking only one thing:
Where the hell have you been all my life?